Dear Dean
by Maknatuna
Summary: After Castiel loses his powers, he thinks he is a burden for Winchesters and decides to leave, writting a letter for Dean


Sam Winchester never wanted to be a hunter. He wanted to be a normal guy, have a boring, routine life and enjoy it. But hunter's life had its bonuses: sharp-sight, instincts and intuition. And on one, hot summer day Sam thanked the heavens for them.

The young hunter was standing in Bobby's salvage yard, nursing a beer when he saw Castiel slowly approaching him.

It had been two months since Castiel's powers had slowly diminished and finally vanished. The ex angel was calm and showing no signs of sorrow but brothers and Bobby new better. After his fall, Castiel stayed with Winchesters and the old hunter.

Sam glanced cautiously at their friend. Castiel looked as usual but still, there was something, he could feel it.

"Hey, Castiel," the hunter gave him a small smile.

"Sam," the ex angel greeted him.

Castiel's eyes scanned the surroundings searching for the older brother.

"He's with Bobby, helping him buy some things." The hunter guessed who their friend was looking for.

"I see," Castiel said quietly. Then he searched for something in his coat pocket and pulled a small envelope out.

"I wanted to give this to him but as he is not here, I would like to ask you to do it." Castiel handed the envelope to Sam.

"What is this?" Sam's brows knitted together.

"Please give it to Dean after 10 pm and thank you, Sam. I need to go now," Castiel said sadly and turned around to walk away.

"Where are you going?" the younger Winchester called him.

"Bus station," answered Castiel without turning around.

"What the hell?" Sam mumbled while shifting his gaze from the envelope to the ex angel. The hunter was confused not knowing what was happening. Suddenly he cursed as the realization downed on him.

"Shit!"

He ran in hope to catch up with the ex angel but Castiel was nowhere to be seen. Sam hurriedly took the mobile out of the pocket and dialed his brother's number.

"Come on, Dean, answer the damn phone!"

His brother was not answering. As to Bobby, the old hunter had left his mobile at home in hurry. In the end Sam ended up texting a message to his stupid brother and paced back and forth like a caged animal.

Dean and Bobby showed up after two hours. Sam ran towards the Impala yelling his brother's name.

"Dean, what the hell is wrong you? I called you twenty times!"

"Calm down, Sasquatch what's your problem?" Dean got out of his car and gaped at his brother.

"My problem? No, Dean we all have a problem here!" Sam waved a hand with the envelope in it.

"Calm down princesses and let's get inside. We can move the stuff in later," Bobby grumbled and led the brothers.

"Why were you calling me, what happened?" Dean asked as they entered the house.

"Cas gave me this and asked to give it to you after 10 pm. I have a bad feeling and that's why I started to call you. But as always your music is too loud and important than my calls," Sam shot with sarcasm.

Dean checked his mobile and cursed. The ringing volume was muted. Probably he accidentally pushed a button or something.

"Dean, open it." Sam handed the envelope to him.

The hunter leaned against the table and tore the edge of the envelope, sliding a white paper sheet out. Bobby and Sam who were sitting on a couch stilled in anticipation and with a bad presentiment.

"It's…It's Cas' handwriting," Dean mumbled as icy cold feeling seized him.

"Read the damn thing!" Bobby hissed almost inaudibly.

Dean looked down at the beautiful, accurate handwriting and started to read with uneven voice:

"Dear Dean,

After you read this I will be far away. I could not find the courage to speak to you face to face and I decided to turn my thoughts into the words and write them down.  
This decision making was not easy. There was a constant battle between my heart and mind. While my mind was telling me to leave, the heart was screaming to stay. I knew the day would come when I would have to make my final decision. I chose in my mind's favor. Forgive me if I cause pain but I believe this is the right way.

I have become useless. My powers are gone and I don't think I can be any use to you. As you call me, without my powers I'm just "a baby in a trench coat". I do not resent it, Dean. You are right.

I am weak as a human and I do not wish to burden you. You have much more to think and worry about than a broken, fallen angel.

I don't want to make you uncomfortable in the public like it happened before. When you were trying to teach me how to play pool and I slid down and broke my arm, or when I tried the hot coffee for the first time and it burnt my mouth and I splattered it all over myself and the diner table. I can't even shoot properly. When you were teaching me how to use a gun, I could not hit the bottle. You know there were worse incidents too. You would laugh and mock me but I never held a grudge. You were laughing and having fun that was all that mattered in the end.

Dean Winchester, I want you to know that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me since the day of my creation. Every day I thank my father for all the time he gave me to spend by your side. You are the righteous man with a heart of gold and pure soul. Never doubt it. I would gladly die for you over and over again without a hesitation.

I think the time has come to say good bye. I will pray for you, your brother and Bobby every day. Thank you for everything you have done for me. I will not forget you even after my broken and wicked soul decides to leave this body.

Good bye, Dean.

With love, Castiel"

Dean finished reading in a broken voice and his hands trembled while holding the letter.

"Dean Winchester," Bobby growled and rose from the couch.

"Get your idjit ass out there and bring that idjit's feathery ass back. Do you hear me?" the old hunter's face was promising catastrophe in case of disobedience.

Dean swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded. He grabbed the car keys and rushed through the door.

"I'm coming with you." He heard Sam's voice from behind.

As soon as the brothers got in the car, the Impala took off with screeching tires.

No one spoke while Dean drove. Sam knew when to be quiet but he could see perfectly that his brother's knuckles were white and that the speed limit was dangerously close to the breaking point.

In fifteen minutes they reached bus depot and parked the car. The brothers started to scan the area.

"Dean, look!" Sam exclaimed and pointed at the bus that said 'Greyhound Lines'. Familiar figure in a beige trench coat was standing in a small row of people who were getting on the bus, that was heading to Buffalo, Wyoming.

"Stay in the car," Dean hissed as he got out and slammed the door.

The hunter ran towards the bus. His legs felt heavy, ears rang and heart pounded like a drum.

"Cas!" the hunter yelled at the top of his lungs when he noticed it was Castiel's turn to get on the bus.

The ex angel started at hearing his name and turned around in amazement.

"Dean, what are you doing here?" his eyes widened when the hunter approached him breathing heavily.

Dean waved the letter into his face.

"What the hell is this, Cas? Just what the fuck is this? What did you think you were doing? Answer me!" Dean shouted desperately.

Curious eyes from the bus stared at them. Dean grabbed Castiel's arm and dragged him to the side.

"I thought I explained in the letter clearly. Perhaps I was wrong," the ex angel whispered and lowered his gaze.

"Hey, we are not going to wait forever. Are you coming or not?" the bus driver grumbled exasperated.

"No, he is not coming," Dean answered instead of Castiel. The ex angel's brows rose in surprise.

"But, Dean…" he began.

"No, Cas. You are staying with us. With me. I need you. Do not leave. Please….." Dean's voice broke in the end.

He could not stand the stomach churning feeling at the thought that Castiel would leave for good. The hunter grabbed the smaller man and pulled him into a crushing hug. The ex angel gasped when Dean's arms held him in unbreakable embrace.

"Do not leave me, do not leave me, Cas..." the hunter mumbled quietly and kissed Castiel's forehead.

The ex angel felt something cold and heavy melt in his soul. He looked at his friend and smiled.

"I will not leave."

"Let's go home, Cas. This is getting like a soap opera." Dean noticed a few teenage girls nearby who were sniffling and sobbing quietly. As the hunter and the ex angel walked away from the bus, all the passengers cheered and applauded.

The bus driver muttered something under his breath and closed the doors.

"Sammy, do me a favor. You drive," Dean asked his brother who could not wait inside and was leaning against the Impala's door. The hunter opened the back door of the car.

"Hey, Cas. I'm glad you changed your mind." Sam put his hand on his friend's shoulder.

"Thank you Sam. I am glad to be back too." Castiel gave a small smile.

While driving Sam felt happy. He was happy that his brother finally pulled his head out of his ass and faced the truth that he was in love with his angel.

The younger hunter looked in the rearview mirror. Faint smirk formed on his lips at the sight of Castiel who had fallen asleep and was resting his head against Dean's shoulder, while his brother had an arm wrapped around his angel's shoulders. Dean had closed his eyes and looked blissful.

Their lives were not easy and peachy but still, there were happy and bright moments too and it was worth to live.

**The End**


End file.
